Did we learn anything in 2024?
Paradise Valley, Montana
We’ve just come off four major holidays in the span of two months and the come down after having to be “on” that entire time doesn’t always feel awesome. For me, it takes rewiring my brain again to convince it that life doesn’t always need to include constant to-do items and stimulation. And every time, this feels irritating until it doesn’t. Trust the process of slowing down.
Part of what I use to try and slow down since the end of the holidays is reflecting on the growth opportunities I learned last year or that felt particularly important to me.
Writing the main list felt impactful, but I wanted to further the explanation of each of these for deeper reflection and clarity. It’s a little long (there are 21 of them) and I’m aware the attention span of humans tends to be shorter than this list. Skim through, stop at the one(s) that seem to resonate with you and read those. And then move on with your day. (The last two are kind of spicy though.) Feel free to reach out to me if any seem THAT interesting to you. I’d love to chat about it.
Disclaimer: All of this should be read with nuance, as everything in life has nuance. Consume wisely.
1. You can’t control everything. Believe it. You wouldn’t want it that anyway.
Having control over everything would be exhausting. The illusion of having control over everything is also exhausting. When times get extra busy for me, my need to control every aspect of my life increases. I went through multiple cycles of this this year and every time it’s left me needing two to three weeks of recovery afterward. I’ve had to continually remind myself that most things are out of my control and that’s okay. Choose how to respond to them and adapt rather than trying to control the outcome. And be okay with it. The outcome is often not a reflection of you.
2. You CAN overwork yourself. You don’t have to find the end of what that is before you take a break.
Working toward a goal or difficult task can be exciting and rewarding, but learn to understand when you’re overgiving and what you’re overgiving for. This past year, there were a number of times where I chose to work past the point that felt easily recoverable. It happened at my job, in photography, and personal life, and it led to built up resentment for things that I would have previously found exciting and enjoyable. Your cup is a finite volume. Choose wisely when you want to drain it. If it’s not worth it, choose to fill it instead.
3. Doing more isn’t better. But doing things that align more with who you are, is.
It can feel exciting and freeing to say yes to any opportunity that comes your way. And it can point you in a direction that leads to growth. But it does not mean you should keep saying yes to things just because you can. There is a time and place for this, but understand how it could be affecting your energy and well-being. Say yes once, and say yes again only if it’s in alignment with who you are. Otherwise, say no. Saying yes to the right things and no to the wrong things will pay dividends in the long run.
4. Music is everything. Never stop going to shows, it gives you life.
I am currently 29 years old. I went to my first festival this past May, solo. It was chaotic and very last minute, but I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. Something about this experience solidified in my body and mind how important witnessing live music is to me, and listening to music overall. I have thought about this show almost every week since going to it. I’ve tended to make friends that enjoy a different kind of music than I do. So I’ve felt siloed in my pursuit of going to shows that align with my music taste. Being at a show, where thousands of people were just as excited about the Chainsmokers as I was is a feeling I’m never letting go of. It’s allowed me to feel the most authentic version of me, without judgement, which isn’t always something that’s easy to find. I will always put seeing shows as a priority in my life because of this experience.
5. The less attached you are to the outcome, the more enjoyable and relaxed the experience is. Just go with it.
Things very often turn out different than you envision them. They are supposed to. Let them. You don’t need to try and change the outcome in order to be happy. Let the thing be the thing and move forward. Stay present and respond to what’s happening now, instead of living in the space of “well if only I had done…”. I went on many, many shoots where the photos I took were nowhere near what I envisioned. But doesn’t mean they weren’t good photos, or I didn’t learn something about myself or shooting or the landscape I was a part of. I still had a fun time, and probably explored more than I would have if I would have clinged to a result.
6. Every action has a consequence, positive, negative, and otherwise.
This doesn’t mean you need to predict what the consequence will be. But it’s important to be aware (not hyper aware) of this fact when making decisions. I’ve used this as a reminder for myself when reacting to certain situations and when I’ve sat in bed watching shows for some amount of hours. I try to remain aware of the impact this has.
7. Be dumb but don’t be stupid.
This is honestly just another way to say “the more you fuck around, the more you find out”. Have the courage to be dumb in order to have the opportunity to learn. If there’s anything that became wildly clear this year is that it’s important to keep learning for long term fulfillment and well-being. And you won’t always learn gracefully. So do the thing, even if it may feel dumb. Be uncomfortable (within reason) and see where it takes you. BUT. Be safe. Be nice to others. Don’t be stupid.
8. Being less attached to material things is probably good, but it doesn’t mean everything you own is expendable. Take care of your things.
Having to replace 98% of what I owned over the last 3 years put me in the mindset that I could just “buy” things since I had the “replacement money” to do so. Well that money has obviously been used, but the mindset seemed to stick around. It’s led me to buy things, knowing that they can be replaced. Which is good for non-attachment. However, it’s not as good for believing that everything is expendable. I’ve probably wasted more money than I’d like to admit purchasing things based on this mindset and treating my things with less care than I should have, resulting in needing to replace them prematurely. I want to build more savings in 2025 and changing this mindset is part of it.
9. Trust vibes. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. You don’t have to know why and don’t overthink it.
I wonder how much brain time we waste second guessing our inherent knowledge and judgement. I tried to convince myself that I liked my job for over two years. I tried really hard. I wanted to believe I liked it even though I knew I didn’t. A new opportunity came up and I was very hesitant to move forward with pursuing it, knowing that the current job had “potential”. As soon as the first (and only) interview for the new gig ended, it became so clear where the right vibes were and it wasn’t staying where I was at. Leaving things behind, and venturing into the unknown can be difficult, but the decision to leave wasn’t hard. And for the first time, in a long time, I didn’t feel the need to over explain myself to anyone. I could have spent hours dwelling on what I’d be leaving and worrying about what the future might hold, asking everyone for advice, because it’s natural for us to want to cure uncertainty. Trust the decisions you make are the right ones for you, and don’t feel sorry for them. I’m only a few weeks in, but I haven’t questioned the decision for a second. This wasn’t the first time I trusted vibes and it turned out well, but it was one of the largest decisions I made based on vibes, and I don’t anticipate regretting it.
10. People continue to be incredible and interesting. Spend quality time with them and learn about who they are.
There’s indefinite value that comes with genuine connection. I have been extremely fortunate this year to meet people who’ve had an immeasurable positive impact on my life. Some I still hang out with regularly, others were short lived interactions that I continue to think about often. Don’t underestimate the value other people can provide if you let them, and don’t underestimate the value you give to others. Make some time to have real conversations. You don’t know the impact they may have.
11. Have big goals and small to do items.
Plan the goals and also plan the small steps to get there. Break it down more than you think you need to, and allow them to change if necessary. Having the guide and continual items that you’re checking off helps the snowball keep balling and morale high. The little things add up to eventually be the goals you’ve planned. Just keep going.
12. It’s unreasonable to expect yourself to be constant.
I sometimes feel like I live two different lives - one slow who loves Bon Iver, reading, drinking tea, lying on the couch, watching movies, yoga, breathwork. And one who loves EDM, concerts, drinking with friends, waking up early for adventures, squeegeeing every once out of everyday, traveling, shooting everyday because conditions are so good. Both are me and both can exist. I also tend to indulge in both in ways that may not be aligned with who I am. I’ve been learning to balance both parts of myself and accepting that this is probably normal. And I’ve been trying to remind myself that I don’t have to cling to either one of these as being the “real” me while the other one is the one I’m “pretending” to be. Both are authentic. I don’t need to be a constant to be me.
13. Your body needs movement. Find a sustainable way to satisfy this need.
To be honest, I haven’t found something that is sustainable for me yet, in all seasons. But let me tell you how clearly I feel worse when I’ve neglected to intentionally move my body for a week or more. I’m in it for the long haul. Moving my body is a part of that. Any movement is better than no movement and it doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to be present. We were designed to move. Don’t believe otherwise.
14. Skin care matters. It’s okay to take time and spend some money to take care of it.
You don’t need to fork over an arm and a leg to get $300 a month skin care if you don’t want to. But invest in a few things that make a difference, and implement a routine that allows you to keep up with them. You look at yourself every day in the mirror, and everyone else looks at your face at all other times. Since it’s in our DNA to judge other people based on appearance, no wonder it’s something we think about regularly. Spending time taking care of yourself and your appearance will have a positive impact on your confidence and well being. It’s okay (and normal) that you want to look good. So spend some time doing so. If the time and money spent start to take away from other valuable things in your life, be honest and adjust accordingly.
15. Spending time being creative is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself. Make time for it.
Especially if you don’t feel you get to be creative at work, this is extra important, for your sanity, well-being, and brain health. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of “hey, I did that!” It does not have to be grand or perfect, but the process of creating enforces curiosity and ingenuity that will expand to other parts of your life if practiced regularly. It’s fun and rewarding to figure things out, instead of being mad that they aren’t the way you want them.
16. It really is the small things that add up to the big things.
Sometimes I feel like I do the same thing over and over again in my photos, and surely I’m remaining stagnant. But I always tell myself to just keep going out to shoot, and stay curious. Looking at photos from 1, 2, 3 years ago, I see that I am in fact, not stagnant. The difference in quality of photos is evidence that you don’t need to feel a difference in order for there to be a difference. Or rather, it may take looking back a year to notice there was a difference. Don’t forget to reflect on how far you’ve come. I’m proud of you for living in the moment, but reflection on what small actions you took to get you where you are today is also important.
Another major “small” thing for me is spending time on my phone. I would love to sit here and tell you that I don’t do it, because people seem to value those people more, but I do. I do have stretches of spending much less time on a screen, only to have other stretches of spending many hours daily on one. It’s been important for me this year to reflect on the results that each of these have, and use those as a guide on choosing how to spend my time. It’s definitely difficult to eliminate self judgement (positive or negative) when assessing each of these, and isn’t something I’ve figured out yet. But remaining aware of this impact is important.
17. Procrastination is avoiding pain. Learn to understand what pain you are avoiding and manage that.
The pain of the task you’re avoiding is greater than the pain of procrastination. Once the pain of the procrastination becomes larger than the pain of the task, you do the task instead. Understand where this pain is coming from and work on that. Break down the task into smaller steps until the pain of them is negligible. No amount of working on the task is too small. Eventually you will gain momentum to do the thing. Use the things you have done as evidence that you can do them again. Collect that evidence and use it to your advantage.
18. Hydrate early and often.
Drinking electrolytes and 32ish ounces of water every morning has been a game changer for the rest of my day. My brain just works better. If I travel, or miss a few days, I find it much harder to get work done and stay energized throughout the day. Seriously, just try it. I usually forget to hydrate at other times of the day to be honest, but knowing I started my day giving my body what it’s asking for has propelled me through days I was not necessarily looking forward to.
19. Limit stress.
I have begun to understand the importance of this this past year, but I have not begun to implement the strategies associated with reducing it. Some stress is good, but constant stress can be just as unhealthy as consuming other things that are deemed “unhealthy” in your life (excess of highly inflammatory foods, excess alcohol, smoking, social media, etc.). This year I plan to spend time understanding how to keep the non-tangible aspects of my life healthy as well. I’m excited to see what I learn.
20. Finding a life purpose is overrated.
Growing and learning are a forever thing. If you’re looking for a purpose and constant in life, choose the process and evolution as the purpose, not the decision to pursue a certain thing. Who knows if you’re going to enjoy the same thing 20 years from now. And then what happens if you decide you don’t like it anymore, are you going to let your whole identity crumble then? You can be dedicated to something while also remaining detached from the idea that it’s forever. If you want to find a thing that makes you feel fulfilled, do that, but give up the attachment to believing that it won’t change. For those of you who feel like you have found your life purpose and are currently on that quest, that’s awesome you’ve found something you love. Don’t let me convince you that what you’re doing is useless. Be open to the fact that the only constant is change and allow yourself the freedom to be a part of it.
21. Live your life like you’re okay with dying tomorrow.
Be okay with believing that every day you live is the best you could have done with the circumstances you had. It may not be what you wanted, it may have really sucked, and you can want to make different choices. Be okay with what is and what was, and if you get to do it again tomorrow, how fortunate that is. You can believe this while also taking accountability for your actions. This isn’t an excuse to behave like nothing matters. As mentioned above, everything has a consequence. But as also mentioned above, you can’t control everything. You have a limited amount of knowledge and resources to make choices you do. That is literally all you can do. Be okay with how you lived today, and be excited about tomorrow.
A common theme to all of these seem to surround the idea of not having to explain, prove, or convince yourself or anyone of anything. It’s trusting that your inner knowing is inherently going to guide you in the direction you’re meant to go. This isn’t to say taking advice, learning from the world and others is negative or unnecessary - it is. But I grew up constantly trying to orient myself toward what the world expected of me rather than setting my own expectations. While I believe a balance of both is needed, this year, for me, was really getting in touch with my inner compass.
I hope 2025 is looking promising for you so far. And if not, there are better days ahead. If they don’t come, you can hold me personally accountable. Cheers, friends.