The problem with seeing the good in everything
A Tuesday evening drive up Lenado when the smoke from summer wildfires settled in the valley.
I want to start off by noting that I wrote this in the middle of a work day. I have a separate notes section dedicated to some thoughts I don’t want to forget, whether they see the light of day or not. “But Madison, if you stop what you’re doing to write for 10 minutes, you’ll seriously impact your productivity. You should continue to work.” Well that’s dumb and not nearly as fun so I’m not going to do that. That said, I had other distractions and this turned out quite a bit all over the place, but was a recent realization I had and wanted to write about it anyway.
The problem with seeing the positive in everything is that what you like, and what you find enjoyable can change frequently, and drastically. If you tell yourself the thing you’re experiencing has a positive side to it, you start to enjoy many things. This seems great, but it also has the side affect of being less able to discern the things that truly make you feel good. And when you are building a life, meeting new people, the constant change in preferences can be quite jarring to everyday stability and life. When you get so good at adapting to different situations, you enjoy anything that is presented to you rather than disliking something that is different than what you expected. Sometimes this change in preference can be lasting and shape parts who you are.
So. It's important to stay grounded in the parts of yourself that don't change, even if they are seemingly insignificant parts or if there are only a small number of them. They are the guide for you to come back to yourself in times when everything feels like turmoil. Get very clear on what parts of you those are and feel in your body what experiencing those things feel like. You do not need to cling to them daily, but knowing what they are and being able to access them in times of uncertainty can help ground yourself back to you.
Being someone who easily loses herself in relationships, situationships, flings, and friendships, this point has been critical for me to bounce back from difficult situations or endings that felt like I had just lost myself entirely. There's certainly growth to be had in preventing going that far deep in the first place (and that's another path worth exploring :) ), but not everything in life (including yourself) can be controlled. Your choices and actions are YOUR responsibility, but the complexity of life can make intentional decisions much more difficult. Not every decision is easy, and not every decision is right, but give yourself some grace in the choices you decide to make. As long as you aren't hurting others or abandoning yourself, it's okay to make choices that might turn out different than you expect. Learn and grow, don’t just ignore your experiences or pretend like they didn’t exist. But any small bit of information you can gather about yourself, or learn “hey, maybe I shouldn’t say that next time”, are valuable things to note and take with as you continue experiencing life.
But also, isn’t it wonderful that we get to experience the full spectrum of life as complicated and uncertain it may be at times? There’s still always room for magical moments too. Why else are we here?
-Madison